Remember To Feel Real
by victoriaftw
Summary: Criss/Colfer Amnesia!Darren. Chris hides their relationship from Darren.
1. Chapter 1

The rain was coming down hard in LA and Chris was sitting on his living room sofa staring intently at the screen of his laptop. At the moment, words failed him. He had been on a roll, words spilling out of him and onto the computer screen when it felt as if he'd run headlong into a brick wall. Things had been going so smooth. He sighed and slumped back on the sofa, eyes still on the screen. Sometimes it just happened and he'd been writing long enough to know that it was only temporary. He'd get that second wind soon enough.

Before Chris had much time to think about his writing though, the jarring ring of his phone caught his attention. He tore his eyes from the steady blinking of the cursor on the computer screen to search the mess on the coffee table for his phone. He found it under the newest script and barely glanced at the contact picture before answering it with a smile.

"I've been wondering when you'd call." He said, leaning back on the sofa, glad for the distraction. "Tell me, did you get sidetracked on the way home by another-"

"Chris?"

Chris froze and he suddenly felt cold in his warm home. He knew that voice and it wasn't the one that should be coming out of the speaker. What was more was the tone. He'd heard that tone before and it never delivered good news.

"What happened?" he breathed, already off the sofa and searching the coffee table frantically for his keys. "Where is he?" Chris' head was swimming as he caught snippets of what Joey was trying to tell him.

"Hit and run…"

"We didn't see them coming…"

"I don't know what's going on, but you need to get down here now man."

He stayed on the line long enough to get the name of the hospital before he dropped his phone into his lap. He hiccoughed softly and let his head thump against the steering wheel. He tried to steady his breathing, short gasps of air escaping his mouth, making him light headed. He sat up straight and jammed the key into the ignition. He could not cry. Crying would not help Darren or himself.

Chris pulled into a space in the car park and ran across the wet lot, wanting to spend as little time in the downpour as possible. He walked into the hospital lobby and shook hair from his face. Joey waved him over from the far side of the room and Chris hastily made his way over, dodging a wet floor sign and a coughing toddler.

"What's going on?" he asked the other man, swiping his glasses from his face to wipe the water droplets from the surface. After pushing his glasses back up on his nose he took Joey in. He looked terrible. His nose was red, eyes bloodshot and his damp shirt. His shirt. There was blood. Chris' knees buckled and he felt a strong, warm grip on his shoulders.

"Whoa, Chris." Joey held onto Chris tightly, waiting until he got his footing back. "Hey man." He ducked his head down shortly, catching Chris' eyes with his own. "Breathe."

Chris inhaled deeply, unaware that he'd stopped breathing. "I'm okay. I'm okay." He said, assuring himself more than Joey.

"And Darren's okay too." Joey added, calming Chris after the jarring sight of his boyfriend's blood staining his friend's shirt. "The doctor was just out here. Sounds like he's in good spirits. Asking if he has any visitors yet." He smiled even though it was a bit shaky.

"Come on. I haven't been in to see him." Joey kept his arm around Chris' shoulders as he led him down the hall to the elevators.

Darren was okay. Chris felt like he could really breathe. It wasn't bad. He was awake and sounding like himself. Already asking who was there to visit him in his hospital bed. He might be disappointed that Chris didn't bring him flowers. He still needed to be there, see Darren sitting up and talk to him. Tell him; remind him, how much he loved the other man. He was very grateful that Joey had called him. He furrowed his brow as he stepped inside the elevator with Joey, the doors closing behind them.

"You know, not that I'm very grateful that you called me," Chris said, keeping his eyes fixed on the shiny metal of the elevator doors as they made their way up to the third floor. He didn't trust himself not to collapse again at the sight of Joey's shirt. "Why did you call me?" he asked. "Out of all his friends, why was I special?"

Joey held up a finger as a sign for Chris to hold on. He shoved a hand into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled Darren's phone out of his pocket. He typed in the password, and handed it over to Chris who looked down at Darren's recent calls list. _Babe_ was at the top of the list.

* * *

"_Having you in my phone as Chris Colfer seems so formal." Darren said as he thumbed through the contact, turning in his seat as Chris leaned over to see what he was doing. "Hey, no, not yet. It's a surprise." _

_Chris huffed and laughed, shaking his head as he turned back to the television, fingers digging through the soft fur on Brian's neck as the cat snoozed in his lap._

"_If we have to keep who we are to each other a secret from everyone we know and love, then I think that Siri at least should know about my love for you." Darren turned back to Chris, his smile spreading across his face. _

_Chris sighed softly. "I'm not any happier about that than you are." He said, muting the television. It seemed that since they'd started this… whatever it was, they were having more and more serious conversations._

"_No, I know Chris." Darren set his phone down for a moment so he could reach out and take Chris' hand, ignoring the death glare that he got from Brian for interruption his nap. "I want to tell the world about us. And I know that you want to tell everyone too. I mean, if I was dating myself, I would tell random people on the street."_

_Chris rolled his eyes fondly and looked down at their intertwined fingers. He loved how they fit together and he would always get a kick out of his own pale skin next to Darren's caramel colour. _

_Darren became serious. "But with who we are and the lives we lead, I know that we can't do that." He whispered earnestly. He scooted closer to skin and brought his free hand up under Chris' chin, lifting his head to make Chris look at him. "One day I'll be able to tell everyone that I, Darren Criss, love you with all that I have to offer. Until that day though, only Siri and Brian will know." He smiled again and leaned in to kiss the fair skinned man next to him. Chris kissed back and smiled against Darren's lips. He was right. There was no need to be sad over their secret. He loved Darren. Loved everything that they had and shared together. Nothing could change that. _

_Darren pulled back from the kiss with a loud, playful smack and smiled widely. Chris laughed. He loved Darren's smile. It took up his whole face. He could see every tooth, the crinkle around the sparkling eyes and he fell even more in love. He pulled his hand from Darren's grasp and threw his arms around the curly haired man's shoulders, pulling him in for a short, tight hug. _

"_Okay, now what were you going to show me?" he asked as he pulled away, gently running his hands over Darren's chest, smoothing out the wrinkles on his shirt slightly._

_Darren's eye widened and he clapped his hands together softly, breaking out of the trance of their moment. He picked his phone up from the sofa and pressed a button. "Siri, call Babe."_

* * *

"I didn't know who I should call. I opened it up to find that as his last out going call and I figured his 'babe' should know." Joey motioned out into the hall as the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open.

"I- um." Chris stammered, looking up at the other, lost for words. Joey cuffed Chris' shoulder comfortingly.

"Don't worry about it man. I know why you guys would keep it a secret. Media shit storm and all. But you know it's kinda hard to keep it from his roommate. I sort of figured that you two were involved. There's cat hair on all his clothes. Someone cleans the bathroom all the time. He has me watching Downtown Abbey. I catch shit." Joey smiled smugly at Chris and stopped at a door at the end of the hallway. "So, don't freak about that someone knows about you two. I'm happy that you two are so happy with each other. Plus, someone cleans up after us. I benefit from this relationship too." He opened the door and led the way inside the room.

Chris smiled and mumbled a quiet thanks.

"Joey!" their entrance was met with a boisterous greeting from Darren who was indeed sitting up in bed. He threw the arm that wasn't held in a sling out, obviously wanting a hug. Joey crossed the room in just a few steps and threw his arms around the other.

Chris chuckled as he slowly walked towards the bed, letting them have their reunion. They needed it, Joey was the one covered in Darren's blood. Instead he took Darren in, there were bumps and bruises, his happy face purpling on one side just under the bandage that was wound around his head, making his curls stick up in odd angles.

Darren winced under Joey's hug and they pulled apart. "Battle wounds man." Darren said, touching gently at his ribs under the gaudy green hospital gown. "And look at you." He looked over Joey's shirt. "Shit, did I do that?" he asked, plucking at the bright blue material as Joey settled himself down at the foot of the bed, getting comfortable.

"Yeah. This one over here nearly passed out when he saw it." Joey nodded to Chris who had stopped next to Darren, smiling widely down at his boyfriend, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Darren smiled up at Chris looking slightly surprised as if he'd barely noticed him in the room. His eyes left Chris' face and slid down over his body unashamedly making Chris blush as he checked out the brunette. Joey cleared his throat, reminding him that he was still in the room.

"How are you feeling?" Chris asked, perching himself lightly on the mattress next to Darren.

"Great actually. The pain meds are awesome, and I'm flying. Super excited to get out of dance class for the next month though. I'm going to love handing in this doctor's excuse once I'm back on campus."

"Wait, what?" Chris' eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Chris?" Joey whispered cautiously from behind Chris, a tentative hand coming up to his shoulder.

"Oh shit!" Darren exclaimed, eyebrows shooting up to the bandage as he thrust his good, left hand out at Chris. "I'm being rude. I'm Darren."


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell is going on?" Chris half yelled at Joey, still aware that they were standing just outside of Darren's hospital room. "He just fucking introduced himself to me!" he waved his hand at the door wildly before starting to pace. "Joey, he thinks he's in college!" he hissed, turning his head briefly to send the other man a quick glare.

Joey was silent, still shocked at the turn of events. He had his arms crossed over his chest as he watched Chris walk back and forth in front of him. His panic was silent and it wasn't helping him to watch Chris have a loud freak out right next to him. Luckily he was saved from Chris' frantic motions and raised voice by a doctor who had obviously heard Chris' yelling from down at the nurses' station.

"I'm Mr. Criss' doctor, Dr. Rose. Is everything okay?" He asked even though it was obvious from just taking a look at the scene that something bad had happened.

Chris stopped his pacing and took a deep breath, pushing his fingers through his hair. He huffed out a humourless laugh. "No, it's not okay." He licked at his lips and shook his head.

"We're pretty sure that Darren has lost a couple of years." Joey finally spoke up. He swallowed thickly and let his hands drop to his sides, flexing his fingers.

The doctor nodded and grabbed a clipboard out of the slot next to the door to Darren's room.

"You can join me in here." Dr. Rose opened the door and motioned both of them into the room ahead of him.

Chris sighed heavily and followed behind Joey. They stood to the side as the doctor took a seat next to Darren's bed. Darren was sitting up straighter, watching them. He didn't seem scared, more curious as to what was happening and why Chris had suddenly ran from the room.

"Your friends are concerned about you." Dr. Rose started, flipping to a page on his clipboard. "So, I'm just going to ask you a couple of questions."

Darren nodded, answering the questions about his life. His family, where he went to school, helped along by Joey who knew the answers. Chris knew he could help too but he didn't trust himself to speak, especially since half way through the questioning, Darren turned to look at him. Blue eyes met gold and Chris stiffened, trying to fight the urge to run from the room again. The look on Darren's face was heart breaking. The confusion, watching him as if it were the first time he'd ever laid eyes on the other man.

"What year is it?" The question seemed to snap Chris and Darren both out of the spell that had been created when their eyes locked. Darren turned back to Dr. Rose, eyebrow raised as he answered.

"2008." He said as if it were the most ridiculous question to ask.

"And do you know these two men?" Dr. Rose motioned to Chris and Joey with the eraser of his pencil.

Darren let his tongue out to moisten his lips. "I go to school with Joey." He started, glancing quickly to the two men standing in the corner of the room. "But I don't know the other guy." He whispered the last part, hoping that Chris couldn't hear even though he was close enough in the small room to catch every word.

Dr. Rose nodded and made more notes on the clipboard.

"You seem to be suffering from memory loss." He announced even though Darren had realised by now that it was so. "We are going to keep you around over night for observation after this ordeal and we'll be able to see the extent of the loss even though it seems that just the last five years are missing."

"Five?" Darren exclaimed looking over to Joey, the only familiar face in his room, he was his rock now. Five years of his life gone and now that he thought about it, Joey looked much different. Older, like he'd lost the rest of his baby fat and that stupid tuft of hair on his chin was definitely new.

"Right now, the best thing that I can recommend is that you talk with your friends, those people who are close to you to see if you can recover those memories. We didn't come across any brain damage in your tests and those memories are still there. I'll bring around some reading material for you and for those who will be helping you during this time." Dr. Rose stood and looked down at Darren. He tucked his pen into the pocket of his coat and offered a small smile. "You seem to be taking this much better than most of the patients in your situation do, so I'll just leave you alone to talk this through. A nurse is going to be by soon to give you more medication for pain. I'll see you tomorrow if nothing else comes up."

On the way out the door the doctor nodded to Chris and Joey and then they were alone.

"So." Darren said, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. He didn't find much and frowned softly as he tugged at the short locks. "What have I missed?" he laughed humourlessly, looking up as Chris and Joey walked over.

Chris sat in Dr. Rose's vacated chair, not sure if he trusted himself to get another closer. Joey climbed right up on Darren's bed with him, sitting at the foot of the bed.

"A whole lot. We're not in Michigan for one." Joey set a hand on Darren's thigh. "We're living in LA."

Darren grinned, the gloomy mood vanishing from his face. "No shit! I'm famous now, aren't I? Loved by millions, hated by millions more. Going to red carpet events with Mia on my arm."

Chris frowned at that. He swallowed thickly and looked down at his fingers just realising that he'd been picking at the skin around his nails when he saw the blood specking his fingers. He blinked away the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes. He'd lost Darren. Everything happened for a reason and he couldn't help but feel that this was Darren's chance to pick up the pieces that he and Chris had scattered around when they'd started dating. It was a mistake and now Darren could just literally forget about him and go back to leading a great, fulfilling life.

Chris sniffled softly and looked up, feeling eyes on him. "What?" he asked, knowing he'd missed something in his short time in his own mind.

"How do I know you?" Darren asked Chris.

Chris cleared his throat and avoided Joey's gaze and looked at Darren, not at his eyes, mostly at his chest.

"Uh," he licked at his lips. "We're co-workers. Hang out sometimes, but mostly, you know, just work together." He shrugged, acting as if it wasn't a big deal.

They continued to talk about work and the fact that Darren really was famous now. They shared some key points in Darren's life the whole while Joey would watch Chris carefully, almost accusingly. They nurse came in about twenty minutes later to give Darren another round of painkillers and not very long after that he started to doze off. Joey and Chris left the room with the promise that they'd be back to take him home in the morning. Once out of the room Joey turned to Chris fixing him with a frown.

"Why aren't you telling him?" Joey asked, eyebrows knitting together as they walked down the hall. "Some stupid noble shit no doubt. What, you think pretending that you two aren't gay for each other is better for him in the long run?" he asked, obviously mad at Chris for not sharing their relationship status with Darren.

Chris opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before staring Joey down. He might be falling apart on the inside but he was an actor and a damn good one. He knew just how to put on a brave face. His bitch face was even better. "You think you know everything but you don't. Yes it is better that now he doesn't know about us. It's better for him, better for me. Now he can go back to Mia and have a normal life. He doesn't have to hide anything behind closed doors. You saw how excited he was when he talked about taking her to events. This Darren still loves her. You can't take that away from him."

Joey shook his head as they walked out into the chilly October night. They rain had stopped but the sky was still covered by clouds. He turned skyward, a sad smile on his face. "This Darren is the same Darren that he was this morning. You are still in his head. And he will remember you. How do you think that's going to go when he gets his memory back? What's going to happen when he remembers you?" he looked back down at Chris who was studying a puddle on the ground.

He shook his head as he watched the rainbow colours swirl in the dirty, oil-tainted water on the road below their feet. "Mia is going to take him back." Chris said with every ounce of confidence. "We're going to be just co-workers. Friends. If he does remember, he'll see the amazing woman next to him and wonder why he ever left her for me. He'll know that life is easier and this time he'll make the right choice." He sniffled softly and brought a hand up, wiping at his tears with his fingers. "I don't think I'll come to pick him up tomorrow. Good luck with him."

Chris got home half an hour later, locking up the door behind him. He looked around his house, still in its state of mess that he'd left it in when he'd run out of the door that afternoon. Somehow his home seemed a whole lot emptier now that his life had turned upside down. He kicked off his shoes and walked through the living room, stopping for Brian who was meowing at him pointedly next to his food bowl. He grabbed the bag of food and hoisted the cat up into his arms as he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. Once in the room he spilled cat food out onto the floor and Brian immediately started to eat.

Chris swallowed thickly and looked about the cluttered room. He moved around, picking up his living space. He stacked books and papers and threw discarded clothing into the hamper in his closet, looking for something the whole while. He found it, tucked between the bed and the side table, a faded University of Michigan sweater that Darren had left there the night before. Chris turned out the light and tugged the article of clothing over his head before climbing into his bed, pulling the blankets around his body.

"This is all for the best." Chris whispered into the dark, tears spilling out of his eyes for the umpteenth time that day. He wiggled out of his jeans, noting that when he kicked them out from under his blankets they landed with a thump onto the carpet. He leaned over the bed to retrieve his phone and came up with two instead of one. He still had Darren's phone.

He unlocked Darren's phone and lay back. He went straight to his contact and changed it back from _Babe_ to Chris Colfer. He also made a small stop to delete their message history. He took a deep breath and opened the photo folder. He hiccoughed softly as he cried, coming across photos of the two of them together. He emailed them to himself before he deleted them. There was no reason that Chris shouldn't be able to remember their time together and make visits to the past. He left a couple of them on the phone, mostly the ones of them at work. Those could pass as just them being friends. He stopped at the first one of them that they took together after Darren had officially announced that he was making Chris his boyfriend.

_Chris sighed heavily, defeated as he stomped into his house, Darren hot on his tail. "You're never going to stop, are you?" he dropped his bag heavily on the ground, kicking it under the coffee table with too much force. It slid over the hardwood floor and right out from under the other side of the table._

"_Nope." Darren dropped his own bag, toeing it gently under the table. He tucked his hands into his pockets and grinned at Chris smugly. He knew he'd won the argument. There was no way that Chris could resist him._

_Chris brought his hand up to his hair, tugging on it a little and leaving it sticking up at an odd angle from the left over product from a long day at work. "You're just going to keep popping up everywhere. You're not going to give me a minutes rest."_

"_Every where you turn, there I'll be. When you leave your house, at work. I have your phone number. I'll facetime you. Send you emails and texts. Be that creepy stalker that won't take no for an answer." Darren's smile softened slightly as he got serious. "You like me Chris. We're meant to be together. I know it. You know it. You want it. You just have to stop fighting it. Give in and let yourself be happy. Stop worrying for once." _

_Darren bounced lightly on the balls of his feet, gauging Chris' actions as he spun around on the spot, looking for a way out. Chris' shoulders slumped and he turned towards Darren. "Fine." He whispered, looking down at the floor before up at Darren. "Yes."_

_Darren's shapely eyebrows quirked up and his smile grew even wider. Chris loved that smile. There was no one who could smile like Darren. He the way he showed off all his teeth, the sparkle in his eyes, the hope, the love, all his feelings shown in that smile._

"_Yes, what?" Darren asked teasingly. "What are you saying yes to Chris?" his eyebrows came together in a mock look of confusion._

_Chris sighed heavily, unamused. "You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?"_

_Darren nodded eagerly, waiting with the smile still plastered on his face._

"_Fine Darren. Yes, I'll be your boyfriend."_

_Chris had barely finished speaking when he was hit with Darren's body, toppling both of them onto the sofa. "Finally!" he screamed out. He straddled Chris' lap and grabbed the younger boy's face in his hands, leaning down to press a firm kiss to his lips. Chris responded immediately. He brought his arms up, wrapping them around Darren as he kissed back._

_Darren smiled against Chris' lips. "I knew that if I stopped trying to woo and just got annoying you'd say yes." He whispered, close enough that their breath still mingled. "We need to document this momentous occasion." Darren pulled away roughly, rolling off of Chris and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Darren laid his head on Chris' shoulder and held the phone up, smiling widely as he snapped the picture._

"It's all for the best." Chris repeated as he deleted the picture.


End file.
